She is in my trunk
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
