did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
