Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
