She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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