So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
