Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
