she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
