the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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