i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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