I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
