i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
