I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
