Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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