Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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