Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
