There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm just crazy horny about you
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
