i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
