Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
