Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
