I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
