I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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