how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
