My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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