just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
