dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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