The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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