I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
