evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
