insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Everyone says I win the strip club
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
