Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
