my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
