Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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