The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
