Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
