she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
