i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
