I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
