I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
