i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
