Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
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