I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
If I die, sorry about rent.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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