Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
