McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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