ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She even gives head with a lisp.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
