ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
