Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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