after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Randomize
