I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
