Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
