Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
